As made aware in a previous posting, I have had a big struggle with my faith. A lot seemed to happen in quick succession and it's so hard to bounce back from so many hits. I'm surprised it took me so long to finally say "uncle". I'm ashamed that I did, but then, we are all human and can only take so much. I am still limping along, but I'm not as upset as I had been. I could blame some of it on post partum depression, but that would be a total cop out. When things get tough, you are suppose to shoulder into it, not crumble into a whimpering mass and give up. So, I am trying to dust myself off and put on a brave face. Cooking and baking are good stress relievers, and playing with the kiddos and enjoying my new baby are good for the soul. I still feel a little abandoned by God, but I'm working through it. I am thankful for friends who care and have given words of encouragement. I guess, these are growing pains, and I am maybe growing into a new phase. I just need more faith and trust, both are hard to come by with my history. Thankfully, there is an abundance of mercy, whether I deserve it or not, I have it, and am grateful.
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12The following is a video with a song I feel like I can relate to (the video is beautifully heartbreaking as well). It is actually from the father's point of view, but the words are so familiar. This is how I felt with Connor's diagnosis and the beginning of my struggles with my faith that have never abated. Just hoping there can be understanding there.