Treading Water

Drowning In Debt & the Sharks Start To Circle

I know we aren't alone, as we desperately tread water, coughing and sputtering from a wave or two along the way. We are adrift in a financial sea that threatens to steal our joy, every month. We forget for a while when we catch some calm from a little extra money from a side job, or from me being able to play the coupon game successfully from time to time. Our kids are very good at distracting us from the gloom, but it is a real struggle not to succumb to the despair.

Giving To Others: The Ultimate Reward

Winning the Lottery or some other sweepstakes would be SUCH a blessing (BTW we do NOT play the lottery, that would be foolish and a waste of money)! We imagine, getting completely out of debt, putting money away for each of the kids for education or their first home. We think of all the people we want to bless who helped us along the way: our parents, a few key friends, and our church. Then, a car that isn't about to fall apart, a truck for Chad to use for work and a home of our own, FINALLY! Then, the rest away to be doled out to charities and help others over time as well as keep us comfortable. No. No mansions or boats or excessive toys. Just to finally be able to return the favor and bless others would be huge for us. Give back. If we could figure out how to invest wisely, we could bless many for a long time!

See, right now it feels real hopeless at times. We do okay for a while, then something happens and we are at rock bottom again. Someone backs their rig into my parked car, smashing the front and side of the driver's side. Then don't bother to leave their info. Having to rent a car while it was fixed, the total was almost $400. Or, I get sick enough to need medical attention, and being uninsured, it's $300 just to be seen for 15 min to swab my throat that looks worse than ground hamburger to confirm it's strep. It never seems to really end, at least not for long. I am tired of telling the kids, "No, we don't have enough money to do that." when they ask if we can go to the book sale, or bake sale at school. I wish we could just catch a break for once.

The IRS has us in their grasp and, as I've been told by a CTP (certified tax preparer), "The days of the kindler, gentler IRS are over. They want their money and don't care about your situation." Apparently, though they will still take the $150 application processing fee, and happily, they won't tell you that you are guaranteed a no. I was told by the CTP that he was told by the IRS and other CTPs, that they aren't advertising it, but they do NOT do Offers and Compromises anymore. They need money to fund the gross financial mishandling this new administration is infamous for and do NOT care that the rest of the country is bleeding out financially. So, if you are considering some tax company you've seen on tv to help you with such a process, don't bother.

But what can we do against the destructive gobbling machine of greed that our government has become? What is the recourse for so many who are floundering despite following the directions as best as the could? We always filed our taxes and never hid anything. I was told to stay in contact with the IRS and they would work with us, but all it seemed to do, was help them keep tabs so they could obliterate us on a whim. I would tell them how we couldn't make a payment because no money was coming in... and was told to sell our only car that was used to get to work, get groceries and take our kids to school. I feel vulnerable and ruined. I never knew how little our government really cared about us, "We the People". We are taxed, over and over. Sucked dry of our hard labor and then we can watch our money go to drug addicts and lazy good for nothings who have learned to work the system, because the system doesn't bother with drug testing or check ups to make sure the people getting assistance are truly needy and actually making attempts to better their lives.

I am. So very tired of it all. I want to be done with this debt. I never wish to be in the clutches of greedy government men, who golf and fly to Paris with their wives on MY DIME, while our military men suffer in poverty at home and are abandoned overseas in wars we don't belong in. I am sick of nursing an aging car, praying for it to last for years because even a used car is too expensive, while fat government cats fly in jets, take limos or can choose from a fleet of brand new top of the line autos ON MY DIME. I'm tired of telling my kids, "We can't, because it's too expensive." when they want to buy a present for a friend's birthday party. Here's an idea: Drastically cut the salaries of all government political employees! WHO THE HECK needs $400,000/a year and benefits and paid vacations while the rest of the country struggles to pay basic medical care or goes without??? Ahem... Mr. President? Would you please step up? No? hm...

The Struggle With Faith Against Insurmountable Odds

I am at a difficult place. I am questioning my worth as a spiritual being and the responsibilities as a wife, mother, citizen. Our family finds itself choking on debt. We have assets that the economy our esteemed leader has thrown us into, has rendered either worthless, or unattainable for a reasonable price. Our needs pile higher than our income and I find myself struggling with my faith that God will see us through and deliver us on the other side, to a place of comfort. Harder still, the difficult task of trying to keep my husband's eyes towards heaven, as opposed to being dragged down by frustration, and despair.

How can I continue to tell him, "God will see us through. It will be okay." When in my heart, I feel doubt, like the cold fingers of winter, creeping around my heart to crush it. Out of the depths of sorrow and the most harsh circumstances, I have seen miracles arise and wonder, "When will our time come?" "Have I not been faithful enough?"

Such doubts swirl in my mind, like the dust motes rising and falling in the sunshine on a silent afternoon. I feel like I cannot cry, because it would scare my kids and further hurt my husband's pride. I am bound by new life, from working more and harder to assist with our financial need. None of our creditors are feeling generous and in fact, seem bent on extracting more than the previously agreed upon terms had outlined. This financial atmosphere has robbed many of charity, generosity and humanity and I feel so alone, yet surrounded by so many with even more need than I. So, then I feel guilty. I am not in as dire a situation as some, how dare I beg anyone, God or man for assistance and compassion? Yet, here I am. Wishing some mysterious benefactor would hear my plea and cut our debt in half, freeing us to move into a healthier home before the new baby comes, and for my boys to grow in. For the lines of worry and hurt to melt from my husbands face. For the racing of my heart and fear in my mind to pass and feel at peace through this pregnancy. How I wish, just one pregnancy could be without so much inner turmoil. She may never wish to emerge, for fear of what this world may do to her, sensing her mother's anguish from the womb.

Where is my miracle?