Losing Sleep....

There are so many reasons why a person can have difficulty getting the sleep that every body needs in order to continue functioning at optimum levels. Moms adapt to less sleep out of survival of her young as well as herself. Yet, the one that is getting me now, is absolutely crushing me.

Stress. The dark unknown of things I have no control over. I toss and turn, evaluating how I went about a situation, and if there was something more I could have said or done. I pray for peace, and it usually helps, but this is a worry that is deep and sustained.

I know I'm not the only one. I am sure there are many husbands and wives, suffering battle fatigue from keeping a happy face on for the kids, despite the crush of financial turmoil. Unemployment brings more than just the concern for affording basics, but also concerns for what may happen sooner, rather than later as our government spends money like it really does grow on trees.

In August, I found out I was pregnant. Not exactly planned, but we take the Lord's blessings and are thankful for the chance to have another precious baby in our lives to add to our already happy brood. We just moved, and were struggling financially and being type I diabetic adds it's own kind of complications. I had been getting by, minimally checking my blood sugars (glucose strips cost around $50/mo.) and skimping on insulin by not eating breakfast or just running a little higher than I should (Lantus $250/mo and Humalog $95-$200/mo). I also take thyroid medication, which luckily isn't terribly expensive, in fact, it's the only truly affordable med I have ($12/3mo supply). As a diabetic, you are suppose to see a doctor every three mos just to check your blood work as see if you are taking the right amount of insulin and since I have a thyroid issue, that needs to be checked as well (average lab cost every three mos: $400). So, I bit the bullet and applied for medicaid.

The first time was the last week of August. I waited for the letter of approval in the mail, and didn't get anything. I was told not to call and bother them because they had such a high case load and that they had a maximum of 45 days to complete the process. After the 45 days, I called when I never received a letter. Long story short, they lost my paperwork that I had brought in and handed to them. So I was denied for failure to provide proof of pregnancy. I refiled, this time it took 4 MONTHS. Four long months of walking in more and more information. I was ultimately denied, because the property we have in Alaska, was determined to be a resource more than the allowable $3K. This is because the case worker found a property (not ours) that was selling for $100K. The other issue I struggled with, was the last day I dealt with the case worker, she requested I bring in proof of the tax liens (over 55K) and an ad showing what we were selling the property for (58K) which would have shown our "resources" to be less than the $3K maximum allowed. I received a letter that was sent the day she requested info (I walked in said info the very next day), that denied me based on excessive resources that she hadn't even received the proof of yet.

So, I filed a complaint and dispute and refiled for medicaid November 23rd. It is now January and they still have yet to come to a conclusion. I have four months left to this pregnancy and have been squeaking by medically, though, I went to see a doctor, had labs done and an ultra sound because, I couldn't imagine being denied since Chad is making around 2K/mos, which is WELL BELOW the income level allowed (allowed to make 3K/mo). Now, I have the collectors calling wanting to be paid (haven't had the courage to add up the current expenses I've accrued), and I can't sleep at night. I am so stressed, I swear, it's a miracle that blood isn't shooting out of my eyes right now.

What gets me, is that they can count property at all (that isn't income producing like land you rent out). In this economy, we've tried and failed to sell for four years, dropping the price significantly. On top of that, the IRS is waiting, like a rabid wolf, just outside the door to gobble up anything we make on it, so even if it sells, we won't get much. It's like saying, "Hey, you COULD win the lottery at some point and so, we can't help you even though you are unemployed and struggling to pay bills with a baby on the way. You are just TOO flush with POTENTIAL money." As I read the letter I got from an application for food stamps, it states that "should your income situation change for better or worse, you are to contact the Office of Public Assistance within 10 days and provide supporting documentation for a reevaluation. Failure to do so is considered a felony." it makes me wonder, why this wouldn't fall into the same category.

So, I'm sitting by the phone, surviving on just a few hours of sleep, waiting for the case worker to call me back so I can get her, yet more information to help her determine if we are truly in need of assistance. I just.... can't take it anymore.