Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Some Days You're The Fly....

And some days, you're the windshield. I am the fly of the proverbial grill of life right now. I feel squished and burnt. Some would say that it can only get better from here on out and to just be patient. *sigh* I need a vacation.

I look at my kids and husband and think, if we were on a desert island that had all we needed (food, water and shelter) I think I would wish for such a life. When I get home from work and watch my husband wrestling with my kids and am surrounded by squeals and laughter it is the only time I really feel at peace and can forget about all the miserable people I have to deal with. It's not that I have alot of negative people in my life, on a daily basis. However, it takes just a small dose to bring you down for a very long time. It gets harder and harder to pick yourself back up the longer you go without some kind of vacation from it all. Here is the clincher: When you live on an island, it is essential that you make it "off the rock" regularly so that you don't eventually go crazy. It has been a long time since I have been on any real vacation (Hawaii five years ago?), and I am DESPERATE for a vacation. I am going to have to settle for taking the "fast ferry" to Juneau for a weekend trip. Just to get away and see a few friends and surround myself with sane people who know me and love me for who I am. No drama, just peace and quiet. I might even leave the kids with their daddy and let him experience single parenthood for 72 hours. I am sure the boys would love some uninterupted guy time without mommy around to put them down for naps, expect at least a bite of veggies at meal times and regular bedtimes. Daddies are just more fun I think. heh.

Well, I am holding on to the shreds of my heart and hoping I can make a break for it before I fall to pieces and say or do something I'll regret. I can do it. I know I can.

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