Tuesday, January 24, 2006

This Caged Bird

I really hate where I am living right now. It isn't just one thing, and I love the location... But...

Well, lets start from the beginning:
  1. When living in a small, tight-knit community, and you find yourself suddenly related (through marriage) to half of the town, it begins to feel a little claustrophobic. Everywhere I go, I have someone reporting to someone else. It is really getting old. I can't go to the pub after work, have an ale and walk home without hearing about it from my husband before I even get home. I also hate the loss of anonymity. I used to live in a city where I knew a handful of people and that was it. I could make a fool of myself at a bar across town, drive home and no one would know. Not that I want to be able to act foolish for a bunch of strangers, but being able to carry on my life without someone misinterpreting me or even outright lying about what I am up to.
  2. Too much family for such a small area.
  3. Meth. Meth. Damn meth is in our town and I am sick to death of seeing people dealing in the playground or highschool parking lot. Seeing the skeletal forms of what used to be a mother or father, now too self absorbed and tweaked out to care for their children.
  4. Family, leering over my shoulder, waiting for me to stumble so they can revel in my misfortune.
  5. The medical facility is sub-par and if you ever need immediate care, you better hope a medivac can make it in time. Women have died from breast cancer being overlooked or letters urging more testing be done, never sent.
  6. Crappy customer service almost everywhere you go. The mail delivery guy sits on packages over the weekend, even if it is medicine and is labeled that it should be refrigerated or delivered in a timely manner. If you tick him off by calling attention to his terrible work ethic, be prepared to either never receive items, receive them rifled through or broken. Mail from the post office takes weeks to send a letter, in town. Basically, it takes someone WEEKS to pick up the mail out of the "in" bag, turn around, find the appropriate box, and stick it in. Send your car to the shop to be fixed. They hold it for a few days, tell you its fixed, pay an exorbiant fee and then a few days later you find out, it wasn't really fixed... ARRRrg!
  7. Pedophiles seem to be welcomed here. Victims are painted as liers and slandered. Nevermind that they are young (10 years old most recently) and can provide detailed, horrific accounts that no child could ever fabricate. We have a pedophile working at the grocery store right now. He isn't suppose to be around young girls, but there are young girls working at the store and come in as customers. If I were the owner of the store he would never have gotten a job.
  8. conniving, backstabbing, gossipy, lying, jealous, and meddling family.
  9. Forget getting any kind of quality foods, and if the store does, don't expect them to be able to continue getting it. As soon as a product becomes popular, they no longer carry it. Rotten veggies abound!
  10. No nightlife, unless you are satisfied with just sitting in any one of the 4-5 bars, all of which are basically the same except that 2 are by membership only.
  11. It is a spiritual dead zone here. There are, I think 8 churches here. For such a small community, you would think it is either incredibly diverse and open minded, or confused. Actually, they all (okay, the Salvation Army is exempt here) are extremely judgmental of you as soon as you walk in the door. I can't tell you how many self righteous individuals, mince around acting like God's chosen and then you see them at the bar making out with someone other than their spouse. Infidelity, rampant adultery and illegitimate children are a plague here!

Okay, I am being totally negative, I know. I don't want much, just better quality of service. At the very least, a medical facility that I can feel confident will care for me or my children as if we were family. I want to be able to go to a grocery store and find everything on my list and in good condition (I am sick of slicing into an onion, only to find it is rotten in the middle!). I would like to find a church that I could feel welcome in and at peace. I know any where I go, there will be problems, but I want more offered to counterbalance the negatives. Small town, with big city problems and none of the benefits of a big town. It really sucks. Course, next week, the moon will be in a different position, my cycle will start over and all will be rosy right? I sure hope so.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Weighty Issue

Oh, the ever ongoing battle with... THE BULGE! I swear, I could eat onion sprouts and those cornstarch packing popcorn and run 50 miles a day, and when the sun set and I step on the scale, I would probably find I had gained 5 lbs.

Why? And don't give me that, "Your genes tell us you come from a long line of survivors and your body is made to withstand bouts of famine and extreme cold." Well, then why, oh genius of the body and it's wonderous secrets? When I attempt to go more than 20 minutes without ingesting some form of simple, processed and sugar coated food product, does my stomach think my throats been cut??

Okay, so, I am very sick of being a fat girl and not fitting into my clothes. So, I have decided it is time to take drastic measures. I do not over-indulge in sugary snacks, but I am fond of carbs. I walk every day for at least an hour, so I am not sedentary, but I do spend more time than I should, in front of this computer and Wednesday night I try to catch "Lost" or "Surface" (I also LUV "Grey's Anatomy" for that luscious "Dr. McDreamy"). I lost 20 lbs this summer and just hit a plateau. A very ugly and lumpy plateau and I would very much like to change the scenery. If not for myself, at least for my very loving husband. Everyone says, "Oh, you look good for having two kids only eleven months apart!" Wow. I can still feel the imprint of the back of their hand hitting me square across the jaw.

I have shared my woes with my boss and she suggested Weight Watcher. She, by the way, is a convert and looks fantastic. I think I am going to give it a shot. So, if I succeed, I will definately let you know. Then again, if I don't, I will probably come on here and bitch about it. I must say, drinking lots of water, eating more veggies and walking every day has helped my energy level, and I feel good. I just want my outsides to match how I feel on the inside. Lord help me! I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing Jabba the Hut!

I will post a pic of me everytime I lose a noticeable amount of weight, so I can see the difference.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

They Grow Too Fast

My sons, 28mos and 17mos, are becoming such wonderful little boys. I know, you are probably thinking (gee, what a surprise, a mother who thinks her kids are amazing). Well, they are.

They are always doing something funny and it is so much fun watching them discover the world and come up with ideas on why things work the way they do. My oldest is so sharp. He has special names for my folks: Bramma (grandma) and Dampa (grandpa). My husband just told me the best story about our oldest: My husband had just wrapped my son in a towel and was getting him his toothbrush. Out of no where, my son starts to fuss and with a very worried expression, asks his daddy, "Peepee gone! Where did it go?" My husband realizes, with the chill of getting out of the tub, it had retreated. So, he explained that it was hiding from the cold and that it was okay. This seemed to relieve him. I almost died laughing when he told me this. Then, this morning, my husband is changing him and didn't have a shirt on. My son points at his daddy's armpits asking, "What's that?" Daddy says, "That's my armpits." My son says, "I don't like them. Them too stinky. I don't want them." Oh, he is too funny!

My youngest loves to boogie. He gets down, literally. He will be swaying and rocking back and forth and slowly get lower and lower until he is laying on the floor. He laughs hysterically at himself (like his mama). He has started this cute habit of following either his daddy or myself around saying, "Hi(mama or dada)" over and over in a high lilting voice. You can't NOT pick him up and love on him when he does that. Yep, they are my life. I love them soooooo much. I had no idea how fun, terrifying, wonderful, agonizing, and heartbreaking it would be to be a mommy. If you aren't one yet (due either to age or stage of life) but hope to be a parent someday, I wish you the best of luck and hope you find out how amazing and neat it is. Also, that you are never cursed with hateful in-laws!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Music With Meaning

The band Splashdown, has some of the most insightful lyrics for their music and the vocals are beautiful. This is one of my favorite songs along with the lyrics:



Enjoy!
Copyright © Splashdown "I Understand".

I Understand
Please could you stop this feelingLyrics by Melissa KaplanCopyright ©

like you're misunderstood
I know that what you've done
you've done the best that you could

I Understand
I Understand
You're not alone
It's not what you've planned
I Understand
You're not alone

You've backed yourself into a corner of yourself
Another reason not to listen to everyone else

I Understand
I Understand
You're not alone
It's not what you've planned
I Understand
You're not alone

On either side you'll find a door to be opened
And one will have to close
There's no way out but through
I've been there before
Don't please everyone -- just you

I Understand
I Understand
You're not alone
It's not what you've planned
I Understand
You're not alone

1997 Adam Buhler / Kasson Crooker / Melissa Kaplan

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