In my dreams I am always someplace warmer. A place without piles of bills, laundry, dishes and duties. Errands are not frantically run, and I no longer am chasing daylight, trying to get ahead, yet never reaching the finish line. In my dreams, there is no burden of money and it's strings that drag us down and we have everything we need, and want for nothing unnecessary. I wonder, "How can we ever find peace like this in reality?" We are taught to lean on God and let go of all our cares, but I cannot seem to release the clutch on my worries. Fear has twisted me into thinking, that if I let go, then I will fall far and fast, and never catch up. Even though I know that my grasp makes me weak and I will never truly gain any new ground. It is a never ending cycle, the desperation of this life.
I look at my children and wish I could freeze them in this moment. I don't want them to feel disappointment or failure. I want to spare them heartache and cruelty. My six and seven year olds have already felt rejection and it makes my heart hurt. I see the confusion in their eyes as they struggle to understand why anyone would hurt them intentionally when they only want to be friends. It is even harder to control my rage, when the ones with mean spirits are adults who are calloused. I wish I could scrub their souls clean of the memories of mean kids and immature adults who have maliciously harmed them emotionally. I want to confront those who would be so careless with the hearts of children!
I then find myself overcome with sorrow for the kids I see, who's eyes are dark and sad. Who has been hurting them? Why? Where is their champion? I want to help, but what can I do besides pray for their safety? I feel like I should be doing more? If I had a huge house and more money for resources, I would bring them to my home so they can experience love, safety and comfort. Raise them to be strong and honorable. This generation lacks moral fiber and it's sickening. Society is rotten and diseased with the profane, cruel and disturbing. Perversion is celebrated. Violence is cheered and injustice, common place. Where are the men, who would fight for the honor of family? Where are the women who strive for excellence in hearth and home? Where are the officials, who should be holding all accountable to the law? Silence.
Someday, we will all stand together, and see our misconduct and cruelty, splashed across a massive screen. All the things we thought were hidden. All the filth we thought was a secret, and we will be ashamed. But where is that shame now? Will you take a stand today? Will you decided that NOW is the time to strive for excellence? We are not perfect and we all make mistakes, but when will we learn from them? Work harder not to make the same mistakes over and over and over? Are we willing to acknowledge our own shortcomings and have patience with others?
I challenge myself, to speak more softly. To let go of my anger. To love more deeply and focus on my family. I am going to try to respect myself, by holding my husband up more often and honor him. I am going to continue to work hard on getting us to a place where we no longer owe anyone. I will respect my body as a temple and work steadily to put healthier things into it, so I have the energy to keep moving forward, never looking back. And every day, I will try to connect with someone and let them know that God loves them, with some small deed. Will you join me?
|The Weight of The World On A Woman's Soul|