The Potential of 2012

Happy New Year!

So much happened to my family this last year, that I can't even imagine what 2012 will have in store. Of course, there were bumps in the road and some of the valleys seemed so deep, and that we would never get back on the mountain top. Yet here we are. Still together and still smiling.

We welcomed another member of our family, a 3rd boy, into our world in March of 2010 and we thought we were done, but in August 2011 we found out we were expecting again. In December we found out, this will be our 4th boy, and final child.

The middle of 2011 was quite eventful. We were living in Alaska and things were pretty good. We were attending a wonderful church that had a very loving and supportive church family. Chad landed a great job with a local contractor that we met while going to Soldotna Bible Chapel and his fellow employees were great guys that also attended their church. The kids were in a very good school, and going to AWANA, happy with friends close by.

In April 2011, Chad and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and while out to dinner, received a call from my parents with an offer to move us to Montana for a unique opportunity to be near family, and start up the family farm that had fallen into disrepair. A brand new home with more room to grow on 40 acres for very low rent and help to get started in a new (though not too new to me) community. After praying and considering our options, we took the leap. It hasn't been easy, but it has been an amazing experience for all of us.

Right away we started attending Fresh Life Church and it is an amazing spirit filled and blessed by God church. They are so active in the community, as a whole. It's like going to a rock concert with amazing house bands that sing such amazing inspirational songs every Sunday morning. The first Wednesday of every month, is a special night that is so amazing. The kids love this church and we are excited to go every time.

My concerns for 2012 are simple. Our government is so deeply corrupt and has strayed so far from the path where it was at it's best. Evil seems to be enjoying a coveted place in the spotlight and there are so many hurting financially, emotionally and spiritually that to dwell on it for too long invites a deep sorrow in my heart. My New Year's Resolutions are simple, but I have high hopes for success and know that if I can stick it out, I will be better for it and so will my family...

Resolution #1 : Spend less time online and more time within the pages of books. Specifically the bible.

Resolution #2 : Read the bible within a year or less.

Resolution #3 : Spend more quality individual time with my kids, so that they truly know how much I love them and how special they are to me.

Resolution #4 : Find ways to show my love more to my husband, in unusual and romantic ways.

There you have it. A little recap of the last year and my thoughts and hopes for the future. I hope anyone who stumbles on this finds this new year to be better than the last and that they never stop searching for the truth in their lives that will free them for eternity. God Bless!

Faith In Basic Humanity Is Gone

I haven't written in a while. Not because there is a lack of what to talk about, but because so much is happening in our world. It at times feels like everything is falling apart. My husband and I look at each other just perplexed at how far off track our country has gone, and wonder why our President seems so oblivious to it all. He flits off for another round of golf, or takes date nights on the tax payer's dime. All told, since he took office he has been on vacation 26% of the time he has occupied the White House. This does not count the holidays and weekends that are family "non-working" days. Now we are at war, YES I SAID WAR. I don't buy the new vocabulary "kinetic military action", much like I didn't take the bs change of vocabulary from acts of terrorism to "man made disasters". Where is our leader? Out golfing. Why are we helping people we fought in Iraq? Why are we supplying guns and ammo to a group that is too stupid to conserve their ammo and shoot in the air all the time??

I don't understand our country anymore. Sex is now just an empty thing thanks to the porn industry and ever increasingly sexualized media. It is no longer a beautiful event between two loving partners that brings forth life. No! If you find yourself pregnant, it is considered a burden. Punishment. A baby is now the same as having an STD.

“Look, I got two daughters — 9 years old and 6 years old,” he said. “I am going to teach them first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby. I don’t want them punished with an STD at age 16, so it doesn’t make sense to not give them information.” - Obama

The family unit is devalued at every angle. Women are told that you cannot find fulfillment unless you work outside the home. Abandon your children (if you were too stupid to kill them first), and heck, let your husband have an affair because studies now show that infidelity is "healthy"? WHAT?? Yes, THIS (click on highlighted wording for more info) insanity is touted by a psychologist as good for women.

I am uncertain of the world my boys will be adults in. It terrifies me, how far from faith and love our country has run from. It seemed, for a time that there was so much possible. Civil rights were really making gains. People were more accepting of others. More forgiving. People stood up for others and protected each other. Now, people stand around and will watch a pregnant girl and her boyfriend get beat up by a group of thuggish girls. No one says a word.

Security guards stand slack jawed as a girl is beaten to a pulp by yet another group of "girls" and I use the term girls loosely because women and girls should NEVER act this way!

I just don't have any faith in humanity anymore. I see union bosses calling for violence in the streets to get their way. I hear politicians advocating the violence. Our own President telling the youth of Egypt to rise up, then sits back and watches the violence spread. "NOTHING comes from violence, NOTHING ever could" to quote Sting.

Could it be, that it is too late now. Too late to turn back the tides of division and destruction? I am afraid it may be. What can anyone do to protect the ones they love? I think, if enough of us live as true as we can and love our children deeply and do our best to earnestly teach them to love, and respect all life. Instruct the young to strive for the very best in themselves and each other. Mercy, and charity have been forgotten and need to be rediscovered. This society is rotten to the core and will collapse. Just you wait. Life cannot be sustained in any kind of quality, when charity, mercy, respect and love for life are abandoned. We sacrifice children at the alter of vanity and selfish desire. Do we dare to believe that we will continue our barbaric ways without retribution? Look back on all the empires that fell at what seemed to be the height of their success. They were fraught with debauchery, murder and greed. We are no better than the Romans killing, binging and having sex with anyone and anything.

What will you do to keep the bloody tide from reaching YOUR door? Will you gather your courage and speak out? Will you become more diligent in teaching your family the values our country has abandoned? I hope so. I hope more will do so. Because as long as no one even tries to slow this train down, our end will come much sooner than anyone expects.

The Joy and the Struggle

I am up too late, after packing for a short trip I am about to take my son on. My six year old, redheaded, type I diabetic son. His life is about to get easier, thanks to qualifying for Denali Kidcare, and his doctors approving his request for an insulin pump. Specifically, an amazing one from Animas. It's bittersweet, because I had a pump at one time, but due to lack of support in the small town where I was at, I had a malfunction with the pump that nearly killed me. I kept the darn thing... I'm not sure why, until this summer. I looked at my husband and said, "Just throw it away I guess." Then I found out I could have turned it in for a new one. My heart broke. An insulin pump would give me so much better control, and to go through it with Connor would have been so great. Guess you can't cry over what has been done.

Insulin pumps are crazy expensive. Even when I looked at refurbished ones, the cheapest still came to over $900. Maybe, if we aren't in dire straights again when the next PFD comes around, I could get one. But then, I always find that the kids need something, or bills need to be paid. I wish medical care wasn't so expensive. I wish insurance companies were more affordable and didn't shut out those of us with pre-existing conditions.

So, later today, my son will hopefully start a new chapter, that will give him near perfect control that will add years to his life and prevent any complications. My hope for him, is that his life will draw a little closer to normal and he won't feel so left out when there are special foods during celebrations, or have to compromise and decide whether or not a treat is worth getting a shot. I hope even more, that we will be able to prevent the low blood sugars that robbed me of much of my sight. This is huge and I wish everyone with type I diabetes, all kids and mothers who have this unfair disease could have a pump. It should be standard after proving ability to properly utilize it.

So, wish us luck. This is a huge step. I am a little scared, but so much more excited... and envious. Maybe someday, a pump of my own will be within my grasp.

Hope Springs Eternal

So, I got a call from my doctor telling me that my low milk supply has largely been due to "dangerously low" thyroid which has affected my prolactin levels (click on highlighted areas for further explanation). She was surprised I was able to pump any milk at all. So, our plan of attack, is taking synthroid to normalize my thyroid and continue taking all the galactagogues I have been taking. I also have to pump at least once every four hours, going no longer than four between pumping. Specifically, pumping at 2am since that is apparently an optimal time for the nutrients and quantity. All that I pump is added to any formula I give which is about 50/50.

What an exhausting schedule. Especially since I have two older boys (5&6yrs old) as well as a household to try to keep up with. To top it all off, I have family coming for a visit. If it were just my parents, I think it would be fine, but some extended family are coming too, which has me just a little stressed for keeping everyone entertained, while sticking to my schedule. I think I am just worrying needlessly, but since having my thyroid diagnosed (postpartum hypothyroidism) I realized that my extreme exhaustion hasn't just been me and I don't know if I will be able to keep up. I try not to drive unless I am certain I am fully awake. I drove to the next town (15min away) to pick up a hospital grade pump and almost fell asleep driving twice. I was so upset and jittery from nerves once I got home. Now, I walk as much as possible and avoid driving unless I feel totally up to it. Thank goodness it's summertime!

It's so unfair that breastfeeding has to be so difficult. I thought that this time I would finally have it down and be able to really offer the full benefit to my baby. The first two were a struggle and this was to be a redeeming moment for me. Oh well. Letting go of the guilt and disappointment is the hardest. To persevere against all odds is truly difficult. However, I have friends and family near and far who have been so amazing with words of encouragement and cheering me on. I am truly blessed with the friendships I have made. I hold fast to the sense that, with everything I have been doing to maintain what I have, when my thyroid rights itself, suddenly everything will click. So, I am hoping that the little bit of documentation of the struggles I have gone through, will be found by other moms who are struggling with lactation/nursing issues and find answers, encouragement and tips to keep going.