Baby Bell #4 Arrives!

I have been remiss in keeping up with my blog! However, I have a very good explanation. First, just trying to keep up with three boys, while running a household that also includes a dog, cat (that just had kittens) and chickens as well as homeschooling two of the older boys, is most definitely a full time job. Add to that, pregnancy (while being type I diabetic), and managing my 7yo's diabetes and well, it's pretty much organized chaos all the time.

So, things got more complicated when I started showing early signs of pre-eclampsia. It seemed to be fairly under control, until I went into labor. The doctor thought I was barely 38 weeks, but in the end, we found out I was just 36 weeks, so much earlier than expected.

I went into the hospital and labored for more than a day, but there was no progression, except that my blood pressure was dangerously high and baby's heart beat was dipping too low for comfort, with every contraction. Exhausted and scared, I was told that baby might not survive a natural birth and I might not either, as I was now at risk for seizures. Thankfully, my husband was there to give the immediate go ahead on a c-section. It wasn't what I wanted, but it had to be done to save our baby, and myself.

The doctors and nurses were amazing and so caring. Before my husband could come be with me during the procedure, the anesthesiologist was so reassuring, and the doctor talked me through every step. A nurse took pictures during the procedure so I could look back on what happened. They were simple and modest. At 8:22 am on April 30th, our sweet baby Brennen came into the world, bright eyed and squalling. My smallest baby at 6lbs 11oz and 19 1/4 in.

Brennen had some breathing issues, and his blood sugars didn't want to maintain. There appeared to be an unknown infection causing his little system to work harder than he could keep up with and I wasn't able to nurse him right away. It was so hard to see him, hooked up to monitors and with an IV in his arm (later in his foot when the IV blew). His heels were so terrible looking from all the blood sugar checks and my heart hurt when I heard him crying from my room.

The nurses were like close friends, rather than medical personnel. They hugged me and told me it would be okay. God heard so many prayers for his recovery, because I was eventually able to nurse him with no trouble and his vitals began to improve. He roomed with me for that last couple nights of our hospital stay and now, I want to never let him cry or be hurt. Our family is complete and together finally and I don't want to change a thing.

The boys love their new brother and even Lachlan (2yo) has learned to say "Baby Brennen" and strokes his hair lovingly. I am so very blessed to have such a beautiful and loving family!

Losing Sleep....

There are so many reasons why a person can have difficulty getting the sleep that every body needs in order to continue functioning at optimum levels. Moms adapt to less sleep out of survival of her young as well as herself. Yet, the one that is getting me now, is absolutely crushing me.

Stress. The dark unknown of things I have no control over. I toss and turn, evaluating how I went about a situation, and if there was something more I could have said or done. I pray for peace, and it usually helps, but this is a worry that is deep and sustained.

I know I'm not the only one. I am sure there are many husbands and wives, suffering battle fatigue from keeping a happy face on for the kids, despite the crush of financial turmoil. Unemployment brings more than just the concern for affording basics, but also concerns for what may happen sooner, rather than later as our government spends money like it really does grow on trees.

In August, I found out I was pregnant. Not exactly planned, but we take the Lord's blessings and are thankful for the chance to have another precious baby in our lives to add to our already happy brood. We just moved, and were struggling financially and being type I diabetic adds it's own kind of complications. I had been getting by, minimally checking my blood sugars (glucose strips cost around $50/mo.) and skimping on insulin by not eating breakfast or just running a little higher than I should (Lantus $250/mo and Humalog $95-$200/mo). I also take thyroid medication, which luckily isn't terribly expensive, in fact, it's the only truly affordable med I have ($12/3mo supply). As a diabetic, you are suppose to see a doctor every three mos just to check your blood work as see if you are taking the right amount of insulin and since I have a thyroid issue, that needs to be checked as well (average lab cost every three mos: $400). So, I bit the bullet and applied for medicaid.

The first time was the last week of August. I waited for the letter of approval in the mail, and didn't get anything. I was told not to call and bother them because they had such a high case load and that they had a maximum of 45 days to complete the process. After the 45 days, I called when I never received a letter. Long story short, they lost my paperwork that I had brought in and handed to them. So I was denied for failure to provide proof of pregnancy. I refiled, this time it took 4 MONTHS. Four long months of walking in more and more information. I was ultimately denied, because the property we have in Alaska, was determined to be a resource more than the allowable $3K. This is because the case worker found a property (not ours) that was selling for $100K. The other issue I struggled with, was the last day I dealt with the case worker, she requested I bring in proof of the tax liens (over 55K) and an ad showing what we were selling the property for (58K) which would have shown our "resources" to be less than the $3K maximum allowed. I received a letter that was sent the day she requested info (I walked in said info the very next day), that denied me based on excessive resources that she hadn't even received the proof of yet.

So, I filed a complaint and dispute and refiled for medicaid November 23rd. It is now January and they still have yet to come to a conclusion. I have four months left to this pregnancy and have been squeaking by medically, though, I went to see a doctor, had labs done and an ultra sound because, I couldn't imagine being denied since Chad is making around 2K/mos, which is WELL BELOW the income level allowed (allowed to make 3K/mo). Now, I have the collectors calling wanting to be paid (haven't had the courage to add up the current expenses I've accrued), and I can't sleep at night. I am so stressed, I swear, it's a miracle that blood isn't shooting out of my eyes right now.

What gets me, is that they can count property at all (that isn't income producing like land you rent out). In this economy, we've tried and failed to sell for four years, dropping the price significantly. On top of that, the IRS is waiting, like a rabid wolf, just outside the door to gobble up anything we make on it, so even if it sells, we won't get much. It's like saying, "Hey, you COULD win the lottery at some point and so, we can't help you even though you are unemployed and struggling to pay bills with a baby on the way. You are just TOO flush with POTENTIAL money." As I read the letter I got from an application for food stamps, it states that "should your income situation change for better or worse, you are to contact the Office of Public Assistance within 10 days and provide supporting documentation for a reevaluation. Failure to do so is considered a felony." it makes me wonder, why this wouldn't fall into the same category.

So, I'm sitting by the phone, surviving on just a few hours of sleep, waiting for the case worker to call me back so I can get her, yet more information to help her determine if we are truly in need of assistance. I just.... can't take it anymore.

Baby Bell #4

Yes, you read that title correctly. We are now expecting another baby in May 2012. Surprised? We were a little, but not really. We have been using Natural Family Planning since having Lachlan and the month we conceived, my husband and I had sort of playing this "should we or shouldn't we" game. My cycle had been a little wonky end of July and into August, so I think it was a combination of playing Russian Roulette (so to speak) and that, that created this pleasant surprise.

My husband was a little surprised, but happy and said, "Well, we did want to try for a girl one last time." Speaking of gender, I searched online for various ways to up the possibility for a girl as well and gender predictors. Through a fertility clinic I found a link to a fertility  doctor's suggestions on how to conceive a girl. I found that our guessed conception time/method indicated a high result for girl. Also,  a Chinese birth calendar used for centuries with a 97% accuracy rate, also indicated a girl for us. So maybe this is finally it! After three fantastic boys, I will get a girl. Of course, she will most likely be rough and tumble just like her brothers, so girly isn't expected. I've also been made to promise that no Barbies will be purchased or accepted for this potential girls (by the men of the house), but that isn't a promise I will find hard to keep, since I abhor the idea of Barbie and all the concepts she embodies.

So, we are all freshly excited by the news. We decided to share our news with the grandparents, on Grandparent's Day. My hubby called his parents and had the kids share the news, as well as a package of cards for the occasion were sent. For my parents, a similar package of cards was hand delivered, along with a game for the kids to play. We didn't tell them, but I put two betting tickets (originally for a horse race) I photoshopped to make them gender betting tickets, in one card. They were pretty slow to pick up on it, but as the gears started turning, the kids couldn't stand it anymore and yelled "We're having another baby!" to which my mom almost dropped the fish she was pulling out of the oven, and squealed with glee.

It will be so nice to be closer to family and I am hoping some of my husband's family will be able to visit near the birth date. So, I am looking forward to another blessing and praying for God to help me grow in my ability to homeschool and raise my kids, while tending to another baby and toddler. All things are possible through Him!