The Joy and the Struggle

I am up too late, after packing for a short trip I am about to take my son on. My six year old, redheaded, type I diabetic son. His life is about to get easier, thanks to qualifying for Denali Kidcare, and his doctors approving his request for an insulin pump. Specifically, an amazing one from Animas. It's bittersweet, because I had a pump at one time, but due to lack of support in the small town where I was at, I had a malfunction with the pump that nearly killed me. I kept the darn thing... I'm not sure why, until this summer. I looked at my husband and said, "Just throw it away I guess." Then I found out I could have turned it in for a new one. My heart broke. An insulin pump would give me so much better control, and to go through it with Connor would have been so great. Guess you can't cry over what has been done.

Insulin pumps are crazy expensive. Even when I looked at refurbished ones, the cheapest still came to over $900. Maybe, if we aren't in dire straights again when the next PFD comes around, I could get one. But then, I always find that the kids need something, or bills need to be paid. I wish medical care wasn't so expensive. I wish insurance companies were more affordable and didn't shut out those of us with pre-existing conditions.

So, later today, my son will hopefully start a new chapter, that will give him near perfect control that will add years to his life and prevent any complications. My hope for him, is that his life will draw a little closer to normal and he won't feel so left out when there are special foods during celebrations, or have to compromise and decide whether or not a treat is worth getting a shot. I hope even more, that we will be able to prevent the low blood sugars that robbed me of much of my sight. This is huge and I wish everyone with type I diabetes, all kids and mothers who have this unfair disease could have a pump. It should be standard after proving ability to properly utilize it.

So, wish us luck. This is a huge step. I am a little scared, but so much more excited... and envious. Maybe someday, a pump of my own will be within my grasp.