With All Due Respect...

I've avoided politics for years on my blog. Mostly because it's just too contentious. I don't like the strife and the bottom line is that those who want to argue, aren't going to change their minds and I'm not going to change mine. So, it's kind of pointless. However, this election is different. It has destroyed relationships more than Obama's ever has. It has split churches even. That is who I want to address.

With All Due Respect Church, You Are Wrong

While I think that the issues that arise with every election are important to discuss as a church, I think that declaring loyalty or favoritism to a specific candidate is wrong. I experienced the discomfort of actual fist pumping in my church with the gloating announcement that Trump is our president now. This election has been painful for me. I've had people call me horrific vile names for being skeptical of Trump. My own family has essentially questioned my loyalty to this country, for voting third party.

So to "whoop! whoop!" about a man who has been so divisive and disrespectful is kind of opposite what I think a church should encourage. I stumbled across this video and it will be my final say on the matter. I've also included some verses I think the church should seriously consider as I believe they are prophesy coming to pass right now.

Ephesians 5:6-13
"Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light."

2 Thessalonians 2:3-4 Amplified Bible (AMP)
"Let no one in any way deceive or entrap you, for that day will not come unless the apostasy comes first [that is, the great rebellion, the abandonment of the faith by professed Christians], and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction [the Antichrist, the one who is destined to be destroyed], who opposes and exalts himself [so proudly and so insolently] above every so-called god or object of worship, so that he [actually enters and] takes his seat in the temple of God, publicly proclaiming that he himself is God."

For my fellow Christians who are in the same uncomfortable position as I am, worried about our church, it's ability to witness and the state of faith in our country, take the following words to heart and find comfort:

"Stay the course, Christian Constitutionalists, remembering a profound truth: We don't live the lives we do, in order to achieve a particular outcome. We abide by our principles, because they are the highest order in our lives, second only to our spiritual devotion.

Those virtues properly guide and direct our every move, and are part and parcel of that very devotion. Indeed, they emanate from the very fountainhead of that devotion...our Heavenly Father.
We can no more act independently of these values, especially in matters of great import...than the rushing river can climb out from its banks. It must continue on its path...its destiny is set.

Stay your course. Let the fool say you're wrong. Let the weak and ignorant decry the very laws that govern your own morality and eternal destiny. Yours is a higher calling. Though you stand alone, your integrity will sustain you. Stand strong. You have known the Truth...and HE has set you free!"
- Duane Langenberg

Losing Sleep....

There are so many reasons why a person can have difficulty getting the sleep that every body needs in order to continue functioning at optimum levels. Moms adapt to less sleep out of survival of her young as well as herself. Yet, the one that is getting me now, is absolutely crushing me.

Stress. The dark unknown of things I have no control over. I toss and turn, evaluating how I went about a situation, and if there was something more I could have said or done. I pray for peace, and it usually helps, but this is a worry that is deep and sustained.

I know I'm not the only one. I am sure there are many husbands and wives, suffering battle fatigue from keeping a happy face on for the kids, despite the crush of financial turmoil. Unemployment brings more than just the concern for affording basics, but also concerns for what may happen sooner, rather than later as our government spends money like it really does grow on trees.

In August, I found out I was pregnant. Not exactly planned, but we take the Lord's blessings and are thankful for the chance to have another precious baby in our lives to add to our already happy brood. We just moved, and were struggling financially and being type I diabetic adds it's own kind of complications. I had been getting by, minimally checking my blood sugars (glucose strips cost around $50/mo.) and skimping on insulin by not eating breakfast or just running a little higher than I should (Lantus $250/mo and Humalog $95-$200/mo). I also take thyroid medication, which luckily isn't terribly expensive, in fact, it's the only truly affordable med I have ($12/3mo supply). As a diabetic, you are suppose to see a doctor every three mos just to check your blood work as see if you are taking the right amount of insulin and since I have a thyroid issue, that needs to be checked as well (average lab cost every three mos: $400). So, I bit the bullet and applied for medicaid.

The first time was the last week of August. I waited for the letter of approval in the mail, and didn't get anything. I was told not to call and bother them because they had such a high case load and that they had a maximum of 45 days to complete the process. After the 45 days, I called when I never received a letter. Long story short, they lost my paperwork that I had brought in and handed to them. So I was denied for failure to provide proof of pregnancy. I refiled, this time it took 4 MONTHS. Four long months of walking in more and more information. I was ultimately denied, because the property we have in Alaska, was determined to be a resource more than the allowable $3K. This is because the case worker found a property (not ours) that was selling for $100K. The other issue I struggled with, was the last day I dealt with the case worker, she requested I bring in proof of the tax liens (over 55K) and an ad showing what we were selling the property for (58K) which would have shown our "resources" to be less than the $3K maximum allowed. I received a letter that was sent the day she requested info (I walked in said info the very next day), that denied me based on excessive resources that she hadn't even received the proof of yet.

So, I filed a complaint and dispute and refiled for medicaid November 23rd. It is now January and they still have yet to come to a conclusion. I have four months left to this pregnancy and have been squeaking by medically, though, I went to see a doctor, had labs done and an ultra sound because, I couldn't imagine being denied since Chad is making around 2K/mos, which is WELL BELOW the income level allowed (allowed to make 3K/mo). Now, I have the collectors calling wanting to be paid (haven't had the courage to add up the current expenses I've accrued), and I can't sleep at night. I am so stressed, I swear, it's a miracle that blood isn't shooting out of my eyes right now.

What gets me, is that they can count property at all (that isn't income producing like land you rent out). In this economy, we've tried and failed to sell for four years, dropping the price significantly. On top of that, the IRS is waiting, like a rabid wolf, just outside the door to gobble up anything we make on it, so even if it sells, we won't get much. It's like saying, "Hey, you COULD win the lottery at some point and so, we can't help you even though you are unemployed and struggling to pay bills with a baby on the way. You are just TOO flush with POTENTIAL money." As I read the letter I got from an application for food stamps, it states that "should your income situation change for better or worse, you are to contact the Office of Public Assistance within 10 days and provide supporting documentation for a reevaluation. Failure to do so is considered a felony." it makes me wonder, why this wouldn't fall into the same category.

So, I'm sitting by the phone, surviving on just a few hours of sleep, waiting for the case worker to call me back so I can get her, yet more information to help her determine if we are truly in need of assistance. I just.... can't take it anymore.

The Potential of 2012

Happy New Year!

So much happened to my family this last year, that I can't even imagine what 2012 will have in store. Of course, there were bumps in the road and some of the valleys seemed so deep, and that we would never get back on the mountain top. Yet here we are. Still together and still smiling.

We welcomed another member of our family, a 3rd boy, into our world in March of 2010 and we thought we were done, but in August 2011 we found out we were expecting again. In December we found out, this will be our 4th boy, and final child.

The middle of 2011 was quite eventful. We were living in Alaska and things were pretty good. We were attending a wonderful church that had a very loving and supportive church family. Chad landed a great job with a local contractor that we met while going to Soldotna Bible Chapel and his fellow employees were great guys that also attended their church. The kids were in a very good school, and going to AWANA, happy with friends close by.

In April 2011, Chad and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and while out to dinner, received a call from my parents with an offer to move us to Montana for a unique opportunity to be near family, and start up the family farm that had fallen into disrepair. A brand new home with more room to grow on 40 acres for very low rent and help to get started in a new (though not too new to me) community. After praying and considering our options, we took the leap. It hasn't been easy, but it has been an amazing experience for all of us.

Right away we started attending Fresh Life Church and it is an amazing spirit filled and blessed by God church. They are so active in the community, as a whole. It's like going to a rock concert with amazing house bands that sing such amazing inspirational songs every Sunday morning. The first Wednesday of every month, is a special night that is so amazing. The kids love this church and we are excited to go every time.

My concerns for 2012 are simple. Our government is so deeply corrupt and has strayed so far from the path where it was at it's best. Evil seems to be enjoying a coveted place in the spotlight and there are so many hurting financially, emotionally and spiritually that to dwell on it for too long invites a deep sorrow in my heart. My New Year's Resolutions are simple, but I have high hopes for success and know that if I can stick it out, I will be better for it and so will my family...

Resolution #1 : Spend less time online and more time within the pages of books. Specifically the bible.

Resolution #2 : Read the bible within a year or less.

Resolution #3 : Spend more quality individual time with my kids, so that they truly know how much I love them and how special they are to me.

Resolution #4 : Find ways to show my love more to my husband, in unusual and romantic ways.

There you have it. A little recap of the last year and my thoughts and hopes for the future. I hope anyone who stumbles on this finds this new year to be better than the last and that they never stop searching for the truth in their lives that will free them for eternity. God Bless!

Count Your Blessings!

From time to time, when I was growing up, my mom would sing this simple song and I could hear the joy in her voice, grow. I was thinking about this song today, watching my soon to be 18mos old sleep in my arms. He's been a complete turkey for the past week or so and I realized more teeth were coming in a couple days ago. While that explains it, it doesn't make him any easier to deal with. He gets incredibly insecure and clinging and it's nearly impossible to get anything done. It's easy to be grumpy and short when you feel like you are running behind and anytime you start on a project, you have to stop to take care of a fussy little one. However, I am trying to so enjoy the good times, that I store it up, and don't forget them when he is most difficult. That way, when he is being a pill, I just stop and breath, and remember how cute he was the day before (or whenever) and remind myself, that it won't last for long.

My Grouchy Flower

Today, he was so stinkin' cute (despite off and on fussiness). I'm sure people thought I was crazy, making faces at him from the rear view mirror (he has one so we can see each other while driving) and reaching behind the seat and grabbing him (to make him squeal) while at stop lights. He was cooing and smiling up a storm in the grocery, and doffing his hat at the older ladies (where did he learn that??) making them smile and coo back.

I stopped to get a coffee and while waiting, he was kissing me and singing momma to me. I just soak these moments up. Especially, because I know it will happen before I know it. He will be too big for kisses, and a big boy and not want to hold my hand while crossing the street (as I was informed by my eldest). As a mother, I wonder, how I will survive (as so many others have) having my heart swell so big with each baby I have, and then utterly dashed as they grow independent and push for more freedom from me. While it makes me proud to see them grow to be young men, I can't imagine how hard it will be to say goodbye as they leave me. So, I have to remember to count my blessings, and save them up in my heart. So much is taken for granted, but these are the things that help us push through each day, knowing there is so much more waiting for us, after this life!

Count Your Blessings (midi) - right click and choose "open in new window"

1. When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
   When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
   Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
   And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
   • Refrain:
     Count your blessings, name them one by one,
     Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
     Count your blessings, name them one by one,
     *Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.
     [*And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.]
2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
   Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
   Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
   And you will keep singing as the days go by.
3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,
   Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
   Count your many blessings—wealth can never buy
   Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.
4. So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
   Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
   Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
   Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Farm Life

Old buckboard wagon wheel found in the old barn,
now sitting in front of the new homestead.

Much has happened in such a short time!

• We took the opportunity of a lifetime, to move to Montana and revive the family farm.
• With the opportunity, came obligations and responsibilities that we are working hard to fulfill.
• Two new four legged creatures joined our household family, as well as a brood of rapidly growing chickens.
• Family members not seen for a long time have been embraced again and enjoyed over happy get togethers.
• Adjustments are still being made and having to be settled with (less income, new worries, etc).
• New lessons learned, though hard, yet they come with blessings to lessen the pain.

The Old Homestead:

My two older boys looking towards the old homestead.

I haven't had a real good exploration of the farmhouse, barn, and garage, but my dad has told me I need to because there are treasures to be found. Already, my husband found an awesome little trove of antique farm equipment, and the washbasin that we found a picture of my mother and her siblings as babies, bathing in. So much history and my eldest is delighted. He told my dad how much he likes history and old things. He was always more mature than his years when it came to interests.

Animals!...

We now have a kitten named Chloe and a chocolate lab named Cocoa. They were added about a week apart and were born around the same time. They are friends and play, even sleep together! Chloe is already showing she will be a good mouser and Cocoa is good at tracking down stray tomcats and running them off.

Chloe Bell

Cocoa Bell

The Garden:

Chad, planting away last evening.

Our garden is a 40X45' and was put in by Chad's considerable effort and the use of a Kabota tractor. He did such a good job and I am always so proud of how he figures out how to do things better. We are planting all kinds of veggies and herbs. I will post pictures as they sprout up. Our plan is to can and pickle in stages and use as we go as well as sharing with family. We will be more self sufficient as well as providing low cost nutrition to other family members.

My curly redhead, overseeing his daddy's planting.

We need a fence to protect from the many deer on the property, and we're hoping that won't be too expensive. To date we have seen herds of deer (we think there is one of about 15-20 living on the property regularly), a lone reddish fox, and two elk as well as one tom and two hen turkey strutting about as early as last night and this morning. So much wildlife to enjoy!

New Car:

Okay, not so new year wise, but a gas economic Prius.

My grandmother offered me this car in exchange for cleaning and organizing regularly, as well as visiting and cooking a meal or two each visit for her. It's a big deal, because we cannot afford a vehicle right now and since everything is a decent drive away, the fact that it gets 60 mi/gal is impressive. I am grateful and eager to do my best for her and the family. It is a blessing to be in service to another in the name of God and I feel like God called me here for just this purpose.

So blessings abound! There is so much more, but it smells like the herb bread is possibly done baking, and I still need to sweep and mop, and Lachlan is acting suspicious in the corner, like there might be an impending delivery, then I need to water the garden and get to the post office.... OH! So much to be done!

Another Door Opens (continued)

If you haven't read the first part of this, read "Another Door Opens" dated 04/23/11 to understand what is going on.

So, in order to make our decision, we made a list of pros and cons and also asked a few people what they thought. Most of the people we talked to, said that while leaving Alaska is very hard, Montana is so similar in it's way of life, and people, it would be "trading beauty for beauty" as one person put it.

The cons list is pretty small. Concerns were that homeschooling won't be as easy. Alaska is either the only state or one of very few (unsure) that pay a stipend to anyone wanting to homeschool. This is because they recognize it costs the state more money to have a student in public education, rather than just pay a small amount of money for textbooks and supplies, to teach at home. However, I have a cousin who is homeschooling her girls in Montana that said she would help me figure it all out.

Of course we will miss friends we have made here, but having so many family in the area will be wonderful for the kids. My family is very loyal and if anything is needed, they are quick to help.

Cousins

No Salmon!! Uhg! We love smoked salmon, but there will be so much to feast on in Montana. Elk and whitetail deer are on the property we are moving to, and since we will be living there, we have instant rights to hunt whatever is on that property.

No more Alaska Dividend! Well, that's a bummer. While the hike in gas at the pump is totally lame, that price also goes into what we get as a kickback from the pipeline. This year, they are speculating that it could be up around $2000 either right below or even just over that. That is always a nice little bonus near the end of the year to set aside for Christmas, or get caught up on bills. We will get one last one for last year, and then we lose our residency.

The pros are plenty. Kids will be close to grandparents and cousins. We will be living off the land, mostly self sufficient and prepared for the collapse of the economy. More hunting, bigger house, lower rent, ability to have pets, no neighbors, and it goes on.

The marker is approximately where our property is. (click image for larger view)

SO, we had to say yes in the end. It was an offer we couldn't say no to. It was hard, because we love Alaska and our friends here, but the chance to have an all expenses paid adventure that will bring us closer together as a family is hard to beat and would be silly to pass up.

So the "South Central Alaskan Bells" will become the "Montana Bells" at the end of May. It's going to be quite an undertaking, getting from Alaska to Montana. We are weeding out the excess and hope to make a little money in a few yard sales (weather permitting). Our car is nice, but getting old enough that driving it down wouldn't be worth it, so we are hoping to sell that too. Then, it all gets put into a Uhaul, put on a barge and 14 days later my husband will drive it from Seattle to our final destination in Montana. We will all fly down before the barge gets there and "camp out" until our household goods can be picked up. Which is fine, because we need to paint two rooms to the specifications of two little boys (within reason!). It's exciting! I am looking forward to showing the boys where I grew up and Chad my old stomping grounds. It's going to be so great reconnecting with family that I played with as a child. My kids will be able to experience the character building exercises of raising animals and working in the garden. Being paid to do work for family (small tasks) will teach them the value of their hard work and the reward of saving their money. Teaching them good stewardship of our land and animals in our care is such an important one. I am excited to see my boys become amazing young men!

Red arrow: where our new home is. Blue arrow: old homestead (click for larger image)

Keep us in your prayers, and your eyes on this blog! I will update with pictures as much as I can!

Another Door Opens

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

-- Alexander Graham Bell I am an Alaskan girl. Always will be. I was born in Anchorage and moved all over the state because my dad was a State Trooper. I must have been blessed with kamikaze angels as a young child. I wanted to go pet the moose standing in front of our picture window early in the morning, while everyone slept. I could never get the door open fast enough and they would be gone. I've searched for Easter eggs in spring snowfall. Worn ExtraTuffs with a dress, worked in a cannery and fell in love with the wildness of a southeastern Alaska commercial fisherman.  Never imagined leaving Alaska after getting married and having kids. Alaska felt safe and familiar. Anywhere else seemed crazy. Alaskans are a different breed. We are independent and fiercely protective of our right to live free, in the pursuit of happiness.... with our guns. Early this month, my husband and I were getting ready for an overdue date night out. A sort of late anniversary celebration, just the two of us. My husband noticed he had missed a call from my dad. I hadn't called my parents in a while and figured they were looking to talk to the kids. Then, I noticed they had called me too. As we drove to the restaurant, I got nervous, since both my grandmas aren't in the best health. I thought maybe something had happened. So I called back just before getting to the restaurant. Dinner was delayed for a bit while my dad slowly told me what was going on in Montana, and that the family had a proposition for us. With everything going on in our country, rising fuel and food costs that look to only be worsening, did we feel safe being far from family if something bad happened? What if Chad lost his job? What if there were food shortages? Well... people we had met were very good people, but they weren't family. We weren't sure. Those aren't the easiest questions to answer. Then, he dropped the bomb. Almost all in one breath: (paraphrased) Your mother and I have been talking and we want to pay your way to move down to Montana and live on the farm in the house your brother just built. Its a four bedroom, two bath, two car garage home with natural gas and wood stove heat on 40 acres of land. Your uncle wants you to manage the farm and Chad will be paid for his time to rebuild the barn, chicken coop, fence in the property, and salvage the wood from the old homestead and barn. In addition to that, Chad will be employed to paint one grandmother's house and renovate a bathroom. While the other grandma needs a garage and a possible add on. We will also pay six month's rent after which it will only be $600/mo. We want to eventually get cows, chickens, maybe alpacas, prepare a portion of land for alfalfa and have a large garden. All the tools are there, even all the farming equipment. You would be paid to help clean the house for one grandma and maybe chauffeur the other from time to time and your mother will help with the kids. It's a lot to take in right now, so don't rush into this decision. Take some time and think about it. ........ I am sitting there stunned. I get off the phone, and tell Chad. We are both stunned. What should we do? There is so much to consider. Can we really walk away from Alaska? Montana is so far away. If we left, there would be no returning because, we cannot afford to go, certainly wouldn't be able to come back once they had moved us (the next day my dad calls to say, if we give it a few years, and it's not working out, they would help pay to send us back to Alaska!) What do we do? How do we process this once in a lifetime offer? TO BE CONTINUED..... (for conclusion click here)

Clicking My Heels: Nearing Home

Above Flathead Lake, Montana

What a long journey we have taken as a family. Full of discovery and adventure like I had never anticipated. We got under each other's skin from time to time, but being cooped up for days, driving endlessly would do that to the most sedate of people. Still, we managed and I think we have become closer as a family. I have endless pictures that don't nearly do justice to how beautiful and amazing our world is and how America is STILL, despite many attempts to the contrary, GOD'S country! I could not help but wonder at all the beauty and majesty around me and it just confirmed in my heart that this could never have been the result of accident and coincidence. I am going to share all of this with you in a few parts, because I came upon so many revelations, I had to take notes. Now, I realize I haven't many followers (guess I'm not as interesting as I assume! lol), so I will try not to be too long winded. And for those who are more visually motivated to at least skim a few lines, I will go heavy on pictures. Until I get settled once home (one day away!) here is just a taste of the fun we had!

L to R: Dad, Mom, brother Iain, Chad, Myself holding Lachlan.
Down front are Connor and Russell.

Here of course, is the whole reason for the trip. To see my folks, who sorely missed their grandsons, as well as extended family, not pictured.

Dad and Mom feeding Lachlan.

The boys were thrilled, hunting the tide pools of Bellingham, WA's shores.

My Three Sons and Husband
Muncho Lake, Canada

Time flies too quickly and I could have stayed for so much longer. I had fleeting moments where I pictured us moving to Montana. I wouldn't be hurt if we did. I guess I'm a cowgirl at heart, still.

Going on a hike up Columbia Mt. in Montana.

*Stay tuned for details and more pictures of our trip!