Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Abuse

Q&A with Pastor Justin Holcomb

Justin Holcomb is a pastor at Mars Hill Church and executive director of the Resurgence. He is also an adjunct professor of theology at Reformed Theological Seminary and holds two master’s degrees from the Reformed Theological Seminary and a Ph.D from Emory University.
Justin and his wife, Lindsey, wrote Rid of My Disgrace, a book on gospel hope and healing for sexual assault victims.

How does the gospel of Jesus offer such a hope and healing for victims of sexual abuse?  
JH: God’s grace dismantles the beliefs that give disgrace life. Grace recreates what violence destroyed.
Victims of sexual assault experience many devastating physical, psychological, and emotional effects. The most prevalent responses include denial, distorted self-image, shame, guilt, anger, and despair. If this is you (or someone you love), you need to understand that the gospel of Jesus applies to each of these.
Denial — Sexual assault makes you feel alone, unimportant, and unworthy of sympathy. It tempts you to deny and minimize what happened to you to cope with the pain and trauma. It might initially help to create a buffer while you start dealing with the difficult emotions, but eventually denial and minimization will actually increase the pain, because it keeps you from dealing with the psychological destruction and trauma of the assault.
God does not deny, minimize, or ignore what happened to you. Through Jesus he identifies with you, and he has compassion. He knows your suffering. He does not want you to stay silent or deny, but to feel and express your emotions, to grieve the destruction you experienced. The cross shows that God understands pain and does not judge you for feeling grief. The resurrection shows that God conquered sin—that he is reversing sin’s destruction and restoring peace.
Because of Jesus, you have the privilege to confidently go to God and receive grace and mercy. Your need and your cries don’t make God shun you. He has compassion on you (Hebrew 4:14-16).
Identity — Sexual assault attacks your sense of identity and tells you that you are filthy, foolish, defiled, and worthless. It makes you feel that you are nothing.
The gospel gives you a new identity through the redemptive work of Jesus. Through faith in Christ, you are adopted into God’s family. You are given the most amazing identity: child of God (1 John 3:1–2). God adopted you and accepted you because he loves you. You didn’t do anything to deserve his love. He loved you when you were unlovable.
The gospel also tells you that through faith in Christ, his righteousness, blamelessness, and holiness is attributed to you (2 Cor. 5:21). If you are in Christ, your identity is deeper than any of your wounds. You can be secure in this new identity because it was achieved for you by God—you are his, and he cannot disown himself.
Shame — Sexual assault is shameful and burdens you with feelings of nakedness, rejection, and dirtiness. Shame is a painfully confusing experience—it makes you acutely aware of inadequacy, shortcoming, and failure.
Jesus reveals God’s love for his people by covering their nakedness, identifying with those who are rejected, cleansing their defilement, and conquering their enemy who shames them. God extends his compassion and his mighty, rescuing arm to take away your shame. Jesus both experienced shame and took your shame on himself. Jesus, of all people, did not deserve to be shamed. Yet he took on your shame, so it no longer defines you nor has power over you.
Because of the cross, we can be fully exposed, because God no longer identifies us by what we have done or by what has been done to us. In Jesus, you are made completely new.
Guilt — Sexual assault attacks you with guilt that leads to feelings of condemnation, judgment, and self-blame.
You are not guilty for the sin that was committed against you—and this realization alone can bring great freedom. Yet the reality is that your sense of guilt goes deeper than what was done to you. You know that you have sinned against God and others—both before your assault and in response to what happened to you.
The shocking message of grace is that Jesus was forsaken for us so we could be forgiven. God turned his wrath away from you and toward Christ on the cross. If you trust in Christ, all your sins—past, present, and future—are forgiven. All of them. All threat of punishment, or sense of judgment, is canceled. Through faith in Christ you are loved, accepted, and declared innocent.
Anger — Sexual assault creates anger at what has been done to you. While anger can be a natural and healthy response to the unquestionable evil of sexual assault, most victims express it poorly or feel they have to suppress it. You have probably been discouraged from expressing your anger, but suppressed anger holds you hostage and leaves you vindictive, addicted, embittered, immoral, and unbelieving.
God is angrier over the sin committed against you than you are. He is angry because what happened to you was evil and it harmed you. Godly anger is participating in God’s anger against injustice and sin, crying out to him to do what he promised: destroy evil and demolish everything that harms others and defames God’s name.
Anger expressed to God is the cry of the weak one who trusts the strong One, the hurting person who trusts the One who will make it all better. Because vengeance is God’s, you can be free from the exhaustive cycle of vindictive anger.
Despair — Sexual assault can fill you with despair. Feeling that you’ve lost something, whether it’s your innocence, youth, health, trust, confidence, or security, can deepen into hopelessness and despair. And then depression can add seemingly inescapable weight to the experience of despair.
The gospel gives you hope. Biblical hope is sure because God is behind his promise of a future for you. The hope you need right now is grounded in God’s faithfulness in the past and anticipation of it in the future.
Because of Jesus’ resurrection, all threats against you are tamed if you trust in Christ. Jesus conquered death and evil, so evil done to you is not the end of the story and you can have hope. Because Jesus rose from the dead, he ascended to heaven and is “making all things new.” Your God is strong, and he, not the evil done to you, will have the final say about you. That hope animates the “groanings” within ourselves that everything will someday be renewed. We will be delivered from all sin and misery. Every tear will be wiped away when evil is no more.

What are a few practical ways that family and friends can help care for their loved ones that have been victimized?
JH: If you are a loved one, friend, or pastor serving a victim of sexual assault, here are some suggestions on how to best care for that person:
1. Don’t minimize or deny what happened to the victim.
2. Listen. Don’t judge or blame the victim for the assault. Research has proven that victims tend to have an easier adjustment after abuse or an assault when they are believed and listened to by others.
3. Do not to ask probing questions about the assault. Questions like this can cause revictimization. Follow the victim’s lead and listen.
4. Let the victim know the assault(s) was not his or her fault.
5. Reassure the victim that he or she is cared for and loved.
6. Let the victim know that he or she does not have to manage this crisis alone.
7. Be patient. Remember, it takes time to deal with the crime.
8. Remember that each sexual assault victim has different needs. What may have been beneficial for one person might not work for another.
9. Empower the victim. Refrain from telling him or her what should be done and from making decisions on the victim’s behalf. Present the victim with options and help him or her think through them.
10. Encourage the sexual assault victim to seek medical attention.
11. Encourage the victim to talk about the assault(s) with an advocate, pastor, mental health professional, law enforcement officer, another victim, or a trusted friend.
12. Fight on behalf of the victim against the lies and challenge the myths and misconceptions about sexual assault.
13. Take care of yourself. As a support person, you need to be healthy in your caregiving role.
14. Learn what to say and what not to say.
15. Avoid placating statements as an attempt to make the victim feel better.
16. Take time to notice where the victim is in the healing process and do not rush him or her through it. Help the victim keep moving through it at a pace comfortable to him or her rather than trying to force progression to a different stage immediately.
17. If you are a husband or a wife who is supporting your spouse through the effects of sexual assault, here are two specific suggestions:
(a) Encourage him or her to tell a trusted friend or friends. It is a good idea for the victim to have a broad support base, as it can be exhausting if the supporting spouse is the only one involved. You won’t always be available to talk, and at times it can be easier for a victim to talk to someone of the same sex about certain dimensions of an assault.
(b) Don’t ever press or whine for sex or intimacy.
18. If you are a parent or guardian who is supporting a child through the effects of sexual assault, here are two specific suggestions:
(a) Advocate for your child. This means pursuing justice by calling the police and finding a good counselor who knows how to deal with the sexual abuse of children.
(b) If the assault occurred because of your negligence, apologize to your child and ask your child to forgive you.

Our Earth Is Dying of Rot

As I compose this post, I am sick to my stomach. Our world is dying from an infectious disease that is rotting societies across the globe. Often, victims beget victims, and the cycle is vicious and often fatal. The media only brings it into the limelight when a celebrity steps forward with a personal story of their pain and struggle to overcome the effects that linger, or when a pretty blue eyed girl falls prey and the nation is outraged for a few weeks until the next reality show train wreck makes a new scene. Then, it is tucked away and forgotten. Our government does just enough to keep itself from looking totally uninterested in finding ways to combat this sickness, but as far as I am concerned, it is not enough. What is this awful disease I am talking about?

CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT

What goes through your mind when you read those words? Does it make you sick? Angry? Afraid? Or are you like so many, who either want to pretend it doesn't exist or advocate it with your silence. Wait! Back up! Did I just say, "ADVOCATE it with your SILENCE?" Yes. I did. You, the elite who decry all forms of injustice, as long as you can look sexy while doing it. Don't kill seals! Save the whales! End war! All these messages can be done wearing a little black dress or tight jeans and they all parrot the words of the authors of such causes. None can probably even give a single statistic and get back in their limos and forget all about it until the next check has to be signed, fundraiser promoted or talk show wants to do a special on their favorite cause (while also plugging their next film or album). All are hypocrites. If you truly cared, then you would do anything to protect the youngest and most vulnerable of our society. Children who are living in the shadow of pain and guilt, are being destroyed in body and soul at an alarming rate and no one is really shouting loud enough for my liking.

I was on a road trip with four friends and we were chatting about all kinds of things. Boys, school (we had all graduated a few years before) and life in general. Slowly, the conversations became more serious and dark. One by one we told stories of things in our lives we had never told anyone. Things that aren't discussed over tea or espresso in a local cafe. To our horror, we realized, that all but one had been sexually molested and all knew others close to us or had witnessed another being abused.

Adult retrospective studies show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men were sexually abused before the age of 18 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2006). This means there are more than 42 million adult survivors of child sexual abuse in the U.S.

All but one of us had reported the abuse. The rest of us, have lived with the torment in silence. Pedophiles and their advocates want to eventually be considered a minority like homosexuals. In fact, there is one man who has been the author a few vulgar books, who routinely refers to his kind as "pedosexual" and calls for society to accept that having sex with babies and young children is normal, and only seen as harmful because people have attached a hysteria to it. I am here to tell you, that no one knew what happened to me for decades, and I lived with a knot in my stomach and an emptiness that I am still trying to heal. It is NOT normal or okay. It DOES cause grief, pain and illness in mind and body that for the most part, never goes away. The people who inflict this kind of heartache on children are evil, soulless monsters who are selfish and only interested in fulfilling their sick fantasies and sexual perversion. Some try to claim they "love" the child, but what is love?

I Corinthians 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 

When you truly love someone, you do not work to get something from them or to control them. Love is a freeing feeling of wanting the best for the person you are attracted to. That is love. Pedophiles are not capable of love because they are only interested in what they lust for. They do not care that they hurt or may even kill the object of their obsession. All pedophiles deal in secrecy and shadows. They tell their victims to never tell, either with threats or lies that trick the child into silence.

How do you banish the shadows and prevent evil from hiding? Cast a bright light of justice and the glaring eye of an outraged public on it. How can this be accomplished when so many work so hard to ignore it? This is why I am stepping up and shouting, asking everyone who has ever been a victim, knows one or has children they would kill to protect, to do so with me.

How Prevalent is Child Sexual Abuse?

FACT: The real prevalence of child sexual abuse is not known because so many victims do not disclose or report their abuse. Researchers have suggested rates varying from 1% to 35%. Most professionals in the field of abuse use rates from 8% to 20%.


FACT: Even if the true prevalence of child sexual abuse is not known, most will agree that there will be 500,000 babies born in the US this year that will be sexually abused before they turn 18 if we do not prevent it

I was made aware of a terrible reality yesterday. According to the news, (link here to article and here to the news broadcast) Amazon was selling an e-book entitled "A Pedophile's Guide To Love and Pleasure" by Phillip R. Greaves (this is a second edition btw). After a public outcry was made, Amazon had this to say:

"Amazon does not support or promote hatred or criminal acts, however, we do support the right of every individual to make their own purchasing decisions."

The message between the lines, read like this to me:

"Amazon does not support or promote the illegal and horrifying act of child sexual assault, but supports individuals who feel it is their right to rape children."

Is this the message they were trying to convey? If so, then I am physically ill at the thought of ever doing business with them and effective immediately, I no longer will be. Until Amazon takes a stand against the wanton disregard for the rights of children, and essentially advocating child sexual exploitation by hiding behind the limp excuse that is "personal rights", I hope others will follow my lead.

No pedophile needs assistance in learning how to effectively groom a child into believing that his victimization is normal and okay. The numbers are staggering, how many have fallen victim to the predators, who's "rights" Amazon wishes to protect. Freedom of speech carries with it, the responsibility of not causing physical harm to any human. The fact that the smallest, most vulnerable of our population are not of this large company's concern is appalling.

I believe that anyone and everyone who is willing to look the other way when this type of crime is being committed, or offers advice on how to get away with committing this vile abuse, are all accomplices and should be considered as such in court cases. I believe that judges, who release child molesters, repeatedly who re offend should be disbarred and tried alongside the pedophile as an accomplice and fully investigated. Those in legislature and on the Supreme Court should be held to this as well. Anyone who would defend this group of vile, evil monsters are highly suspect in my opinion. It's almost as if they feel hypocritical to pass laws or judgement that would appropriately punish pedophiles and protect our country. This is not some minor thing either. Child sexual abuse has far reaching effects in our society that damages it deeply.

If you are interested in educating yourself on the staggering statistics, go to the Darkness To Light (statistics section) website. There is a large volume of information and resources there. It's a start. Use your voice to spread knowledge and raise the public's awareness so we can stop this from continuing.

How much more noble a cause, than defending the innocence and honor of babies and children?

Baby Brianna Needs Justice!

Reading the following, I just want to scream. What a lovely justice system we have. No mercy or fairness was given to this baby for it's short and agonizing life. Yet the perps who would so willingly destroy her, mind body and soul, THEY deserve it?? I would urge everyone to write to congress, the White House, the Court of Appeals, but sadly, I feel it would fall on deaf ears. It is so humiliating, to realize one's country has so little regard for the smallest, most vulnerable of life. They rip them from the womb, abuse and kill them, and no one in a position to stop it, blinks an eye. We are more concerned about the fair treatment of the animals who commit such hatred and atrocities. More concerned that they have cable, and time to exercise and access to the internet. Meanwhile, the ones they put in their graves so early or have left empty shells of to roam the earth are forgotten. It just boggles my mind.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT CAN BE DISTURBING AND GRAPHIC BUT WE HAVE USED IT TO SUPPORT THE MESSAGE OF BRINGING AWARENESS. CHILD ABUSE IS UGLY, BUT SHOULD NOT BE HIDDEN OR IGNORED! YOU ARE CAUTIONED THAT THE CONTENT TO FOLLOW SHARES GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE THAT IS MOST HEINOUS. IF YOU FEEL DISTURBED BY THE NATURE OF THE ABUSE, PLEASE, USE YOUR OUTRAGE AND DISGUST AS FUEL TO CONTINUE TO BRING AWARENESS TO IT AND THE NEED TO STOP IT AT ALL COSTS. REPOST! SHARE! CONTACT CONGRESS, THE WHITE HOUSE, THE COURT OF APPEALS! ANYTHING! DO NOT BE SILENCED!

Baby Brianna Mariah Lopez was sexually assaulted and covered from head to toe - literally in bruises and bite marks. Brianna also had injuries that were old including fractures to her skull and legs. The fractures on her legs, as stated by the coroner is when an infant is picked up by a quick jerking motion by the legs. Baby Brianna also had signs of shaken baby syndrome. On the night of her death she had been thrown to the ceiling and hit the floor three times and also sexually penetrated. When she was found by authorities it shocked them so badly they needed counselling. Her father and uncle had raped her and were also the ones who threw her to the ceiling without catching her during a night of drinking. Her mother caused the many bite marks on different occasions and also pinched Brianna when she became frustrated with her baby. Briannas father, Andy Walters would throw her when he became frustrated. On Friday July 19th at 10:00am Brianas mother Stephanie Lopez, woke to find Brianna not breathing and called 911. On Friday July 19th at 11:10am 5 month old baby Brianna Lopez passed away at Memorial Medical Centre in Las Cruces from the injuries that were a result of this abuse.

Child abuse is one of the main causes of death and disability in newborns, toddlers and children. It can be hard to tell if a child is being abused as the abuse can range from emotional or psychological to physical in which case tell tale signs can alert an individual to an abused child. Signs and symptoms can consist of any of the following:
- Obvious bruising, swelling, cuts, cigarette burns.
- Withdrawal from friends.
- School work begins to suffer.
- Fear of a certain person or family member.
- Not wanting to go home.

This is just a rough guide, if you would like more information regarding signs to watch for contact your local police or child protection group.

We as a community need to be aware of what is happening around us, if you suspect that a child you know or even don't know is being abused, it is your duty of care to contact the authorities and report it.

We need and have to protect all children, they depend on us and need us to be their advocate.

In this civilised and advanced world we live in, we cannot let abuse reign in our society, we will not tolerate this pain inflicted on our children.

The family of Baby Briana refused to place a headstone at her grave, hoping the community would forget what had happened. They even went to the lengths of placing a steel cage around her gravesite so people who came to honour this little angel could not place flowers there. Baby Briannas family had isolated her in life and now they have isolated her in death.

Below is a link to a site regarding her resting place:
http://www.angelizdsplace.com/faceles3.htm

I hope to bring together people who will have her in their thoughts, prayers and pay respect to and honour the life of this little beautiful baby girl who had a short life on this earth and was gone too soon. May her memory live on through all of us for we shalll never forget...

R.I.P Baby Briana Lopez
14.02.2002 - 19.07.2002

ATTENTION: WE NOW HAVE THE PETITION UP AND RUNNING FOR ALL TO SIGN FOR THE REMOVAL OF THE METAL CAGE AND FOR GIVING BRIANNA LOPEZ A PROPER BURIAL. THIS PETITION WILL BE FORWARDED TO THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT ATTORNEY OF NEW MEXICO WHERE IT WILL AID IN ACHIEVEING THIS.

PLEASE SIGN PETITION BELOW FOR JUSTICE FOR BABY BRIANNA LOPEZ

http://www.gopetition.com/online/26696.html

:The picture of baby Briana above was one of the autopsy photos that were taken after her death. In her short life, not one of her family members took a photo of her. The investigators got some of Brianas autopsy photos airbrushed so as to see what she would have looked like when she was alive. The picture above is one of these airbrushed autopsy photos.

As unfortunate as this is, and as disturbing as it is to read.... This is the reality of child abuse.

TIMELINE OF EVENTS ACCORDING TO POLICE DOCUMENTS:

Thursday night, July 18th, at 6 p.m., Andy Walters stopped to buy a case of beer, and headed home to 5243 Comanche Trail in Las Cruces.

Three people-- Walters, 21, Stephanie Lopez, 19, and her twin brother Steven Lopez, 19, drink through the evening.

Stephanie went to bed after about three beers. According to court documents, Andy Walters and Steven Lopez admitted to playing with Stephanie and Walters's 5-month old daughter, Brianna.

Police records show that Walters and Lopez threw the child into the air, causing her to hit her head on the ceiling 3 times, then dropped her twice on the floor.

Andy Walters told investigators that Brianna was conscious and crying.

At around 12:30 a.m., Friday morning, Andy Walters fell asleep not knowing where Brianna was.

At three in the morning, Walters says he awoke to find Brianna on the floor near the bed. He said he wrapped her in a blanket and put her in a bouncer.

By 7 a.m., Brianna needed a diaper change. Stephanie Lopez asked about the bruises on Brianna, and according to court documents, Walters admitted that he and Steven Lopez "played a little rough with her".

Walters changed the diaper and took a baby wipe, wrapped it around his index finger and inserted it into brianna's anus.

The complaint also states Andy Walters admitted he bit Brianna on several occasions, but he told Dona Ana County Sheriff's Deputies he is not not the only family member to bite Brianna.

Walters also told authorites that Stephanie Lopez pinched and threw Brianna out of frustration.

The uncle, Steven Lopez, admits to throwing Brianna in the air and not catching her. Steven Lopez claims to have drunk ten beers the previous night.

During his interview with Sheriff's Deputies, Steven Lopez admitted to having sex with Brianna Lopez. (she was 5 months old!!!) Adding that he, as well as Andy Walters, had penetrated Brianna on several different occasions.

By 10 a.m., July 19th, Stephanie Lopez checks on her daughter, notices Brianna is not breathing, and she calls 9-1-1.

11:10 am, Friday July 19th, five month old Brianna Lopez dies at Memorial Medical Center in Las Cruces.

Autopsy results show Brianna Lopez had 11 bite marks on her body, broken ribs, skull fractures, bleeding of the optic nerves and brain swelling.

Below is a link to the actual legal documents/statements regarding the case
http://www.haussamen.com/BriannaConviction.pdf

THE LINK BELOW IS THE FULL TELEVISION NEWS REPORT, PLEASE WATCH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PztTA5EVGQU