Hope Springs Eternal

So, I got a call from my doctor telling me that my low milk supply has largely been due to "dangerously low" thyroid which has affected my prolactin levels (click on highlighted areas for further explanation). She was surprised I was able to pump any milk at all. So, our plan of attack, is taking synthroid to normalize my thyroid and continue taking all the galactagogues I have been taking. I also have to pump at least once every four hours, going no longer than four between pumping. Specifically, pumping at 2am since that is apparently an optimal time for the nutrients and quantity. All that I pump is added to any formula I give which is about 50/50.

What an exhausting schedule. Especially since I have two older boys (5&6yrs old) as well as a household to try to keep up with. To top it all off, I have family coming for a visit. If it were just my parents, I think it would be fine, but some extended family are coming too, which has me just a little stressed for keeping everyone entertained, while sticking to my schedule. I think I am just worrying needlessly, but since having my thyroid diagnosed (postpartum hypothyroidism) I realized that my extreme exhaustion hasn't just been me and I don't know if I will be able to keep up. I try not to drive unless I am certain I am fully awake. I drove to the next town (15min away) to pick up a hospital grade pump and almost fell asleep driving twice. I was so upset and jittery from nerves once I got home. Now, I walk as much as possible and avoid driving unless I feel totally up to it. Thank goodness it's summertime!

It's so unfair that breastfeeding has to be so difficult. I thought that this time I would finally have it down and be able to really offer the full benefit to my baby. The first two were a struggle and this was to be a redeeming moment for me. Oh well. Letting go of the guilt and disappointment is the hardest. To persevere against all odds is truly difficult. However, I have friends and family near and far who have been so amazing with words of encouragement and cheering me on. I am truly blessed with the friendships I have made. I hold fast to the sense that, with everything I have been doing to maintain what I have, when my thyroid rights itself, suddenly everything will click. So, I am hoping that the little bit of documentation of the struggles I have gone through, will be found by other moms who are struggling with lactation/nursing issues and find answers, encouragement and tips to keep going.

Fried Dandelions You Say? Dandy!

So, I have been playing around with my camera, taking mini-macro shots and loving the results. I started taking some shots of dandelions that I thought were unusual. Then, I just so happened to stumble onto a recipe for fried dandelions. I thought, "Odd, but gotta try it!" So, here is the recipe, with pictures of the lovely flowers I took today.

Fried Dandelions
 
The trick here is to remove as much green material from the dandelion flower head as possible, while keeping the flower head intact. The green parts lend bitterness, so you want to minimize that, while the yellow flowers are mild-tasting and faintly sweet.

• 1 Cup milk
• 1 egg
• 1 Cup flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp pepper

options: (other favorite seasonings like garlic powder, onion salt, or seasoning salt-go light on the seasonings until you're sure you like the flavors with the blooms)

Instructions:
Beat the egg and add the milk. Whisk in the flour and seasonings. You can dip the flowers and fry immediately, but the batter stays on better if it's refrigerated for a half hour or so.

When the batter is lightly browned, lift the flowers out of the oil and drain them on paper towels. Fried Dandelion Flowers are good served as appetizers or as a side dish with ham.

My kids thought I was coocoo. Connor said, "At first they tasted good... then bad." I suspect it is the slight bitterness at the end. That comes from the greens which you cannot entirely get rid of. I don't mind the flavor, so maybe not a kid favorite unless they like that sort of thing. I had my husband try one and he said they tasted like a fried mushroom, which he doesn't care for, but said it was okay. So, I guess I am weird, but I'm glad I tried something different. Be adventurous today! Try fried dandelions!

Faith Can Falter... but the Father Never Does

As made aware in a previous posting, I have had a big struggle with my faith. A lot seemed to happen in quick succession and it's so hard to bounce back from so many hits. I'm surprised it took me so long to finally say "uncle". I'm ashamed that I did, but then, we are all human and can only take so much. I am still limping along, but I'm not as upset as I had been. I could blame some of it on post partum depression, but that would be a total cop out. When things get tough, you are suppose to shoulder into it, not crumble into a whimpering mass and give up. So, I am trying to dust myself off and put on a brave face. Cooking and baking are good stress relievers, and playing with the kiddos and enjoying my new baby are good for the soul. I still feel a little abandoned by God, but I'm working through it. I am thankful for friends who care and have given words of encouragement. I guess, these are growing pains, and I am maybe growing into a new phase. I just need more faith and trust, both are hard to come by with my history. Thankfully, there is an abundance of mercy, whether I deserve it or not, I have it, and am grateful.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

The following is a video with a song I feel like I can relate to (the video is beautifully heartbreaking as well). It is actually from the father's point of view, but the words are so familiar. This is how I felt with Connor's diagnosis and the beginning of my struggles with my faith that have never abated. Just hoping there can be understanding there.

A Warm Memory: Pancit

When I was about six years old, my family lived in Kodiak. My parents had friends who were from the Philippines who were so generous! I remember being invited to their home for their family dinners (we were considered family) and seeing all the women in the kitchen cooking and laughing. Oh, the smells in that kitchen were divine! Adobo, lumpia and PANCIT! It was like magic in that kitchen! My mother was welcomed into the room and I saw her drawn into the group and taught the culinary sorcery of the Filipina cook. Then, I was off, to play with the many kids running about the place. Later, the meal was full of laughter and many helpings of everything.

My mom picked up the recipe and it never stayed the same. Sometimes the meat was shrimp or pork or even hot dogs when money was tight. The veggies were all over the place too. But the flavor was always amazing and takes me back. So, one day, while at the library, I spied a book that reminded me of that magic dish. "Cora Cooks Pancit" by Dorina K. Lazo Gilmore. It even had a recipe in the back! We took it home and I read the story with the boys to get them excited about the meal. I had hoped they would cook with me, but alas, the evening summer sun and a sprinkler called them outside, so I cooked alone. It was still wonderful, and the quiet of Lachlan in his wrap snuggled into me, I could remember the smells and laughter easier. Next time, they will help. So, without further adieu, here is.... Pancit!

• 3 boneless chicken breasts plus 1/2 C. chicken broth and 1 tsp soy sauce

Chicken can be prepared ahead of time. Cook boneless chicken breast, chicken broth, and soy sauce in a crock pot or slow cooker on high for 3 hrs or on low for 6 hrs. Cool chicken and shred.

• 1(8oz) pkg rice stick pancit noodles
• 1(8oz) pkg dried shiitake mushrooms

Soak noodles in warm water for approx. 30 min. Soak mushrooms in a separate bowl of warm water for 30 min. Meanwhile, cut up vegetables...

• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 2 Tbsp plus 1/4 C. soy sauce
• 2 garlic cloves finely chopped
• 1 Tbsp fresh ginger finely chopped
• 1 Tbsp vegetable oil

Strain mushrooms and either leave whole, or do like I did, slice into thin strips (the better to trick little boys into eating them! Muhahahahaa!). Heat chicken, mushrooms, onion and soy sauce in a non-stick skillet. Stir in garlic and ginger. Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.

• 1 Tbsp oil
• 1/2 head cabbage shredded
• 2 carrots thinly sliced
• 3 celery stalks sliced
• 1(8oz) can water chestnuts sliced
• 1(8oz) can bamboo shoots sliced
• 1(8oz) can baby corn diced

Heat oil in large shallow pot. Add cabbage, carrots, celery, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, and baby corn. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cook briefly, keeping the cabbage and carrots a little crisp. Add chicken/mushroom mixture.

Strain noodles. In a separate pot, bring 1 1/2 C. water, 1/4 C. oil, 1/4 C. soy sauce and a sprinkle of salt to a light boil. Add noodles and stir. Cook 5 min then pour noodles into the chicken and veggie mixture. Mix everything together and cook on low for 5 min.

Garnish, if you like, with sliced hard boiled eggs and green onions. Have fresh wedges of lime to splash on for a bit of brightness (must have this!). Serve!

Makes 10-12 (2 cup) servings