The Struggle With Faith Against Insurmountable Odds

I am at a difficult place. I am questioning my worth as a spiritual being and the responsibilities as a wife, mother, citizen. Our family finds itself choking on debt. We have assets that the economy our esteemed leader has thrown us into, has rendered either worthless, or unattainable for a reasonable price. Our needs pile higher than our income and I find myself struggling with my faith that God will see us through and deliver us on the other side, to a place of comfort. Harder still, the difficult task of trying to keep my husband's eyes towards heaven, as opposed to being dragged down by frustration, and despair.

How can I continue to tell him, "God will see us through. It will be okay." When in my heart, I feel doubt, like the cold fingers of winter, creeping around my heart to crush it. Out of the depths of sorrow and the most harsh circumstances, I have seen miracles arise and wonder, "When will our time come?" "Have I not been faithful enough?"

Such doubts swirl in my mind, like the dust motes rising and falling in the sunshine on a silent afternoon. I feel like I cannot cry, because it would scare my kids and further hurt my husband's pride. I am bound by new life, from working more and harder to assist with our financial need. None of our creditors are feeling generous and in fact, seem bent on extracting more than the previously agreed upon terms had outlined. This financial atmosphere has robbed many of charity, generosity and humanity and I feel so alone, yet surrounded by so many with even more need than I. So, then I feel guilty. I am not in as dire a situation as some, how dare I beg anyone, God or man for assistance and compassion? Yet, here I am. Wishing some mysterious benefactor would hear my plea and cut our debt in half, freeing us to move into a healthier home before the new baby comes, and for my boys to grow in. For the lines of worry and hurt to melt from my husbands face. For the racing of my heart and fear in my mind to pass and feel at peace through this pregnancy. How I wish, just one pregnancy could be without so much inner turmoil. She may never wish to emerge, for fear of what this world may do to her, sensing her mother's anguish from the womb.

Where is my miracle?

Updates Galore

So, I have been decidely absent all this time due to a lot of stuff going on in our household. Some good, some bad. The bad was having the IRS drop the hammer without warning or allowing us time to work out a payment plan. We owe, but we have always gotten a letter saying basically that they received our return and to call to set up a payment. Nothing. Then one day, checks start bouncing and when I call the bank to ask what happened, I am told the IRS put a lean and took all our money. ALL OF IT. Then the checks bounced. I called and told them I had no prior warning. My last conversation I had with the IRS they had not yet received our income, but since it was in the mail, all was good. I told them they couldn't do that without giving us an opportunity to set a payment plan up, so they reversed the levy. That wasn't the end though. You see, $150 in fees for bounced checks were still there, then, the bank charged us a $100 fee which caused three more to bounce. Nice. Stress up to my eyeballs and I am scrambling to do what I can to fix our financial situation.

The one bright spot: I found out I was pregnant. Now, at first I was like "Oh no. We have no money and I need to look for a better paying job or get a raise!" but I realized, God has a plan for us. While it seems scary for the moment, at some point, there is always a break in the storm and we are always better having come through the weather. We are better prepared the next time things get shady and we are basically getting better every time. I wish it didn't have to take such an emotional toll every time, but I guess that is just me needing to have more faith and not let it get to me as much.

So, here is our little peanut's first picture!....



I am hoping to finally have a little girl. I have two boys as you may know and a girl would be fun. Besides, I need someone on my team! However, if I have another boy, I know I will be well taken care of. My two boys are so good to me and always are ready to defend me from daddy's pinches or tickes.

So, to conclude: there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to hold tight to your faith, knowing that there is something greater in store for all of us. Try to find the lesson in the hardships you are going through and use that time to become a better person by the end of the trial. Especially since, you don't want to repeat the experience and we all know, that if you don't learn the first time, you are doomed to go through it again at some point! All is not lost, even though it may be darkest before the dawn, the morning after a storm is always breathtaking and a sigh for the soul.

Killer Kabobs w/garlicky yogurt sauce

Okay, so this is my first attempt at making kabobs (or is it shishkabobs) I don't recall the official term. I had watched Anthony Bourdaine on "No Reservations" and he was having some with a yogurt sauce and it just looked divine. I had to experiment. So, with that in mind, you must understand that the measurments are estimations and it is up to you to go by taste and your own instinct when it comes to foods. Are you ready? Lets go!

1/2 lb pork sausage
1/2 lb regular ground beef
1 Tblsp chopped garlic
1/2 large onion minced
1/4 C. minced orange bell pepper
3 green onions chopped fine
1 Tblsp fire roasted tomato (from tube)
1 Tsp minced ginger
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp lemon (like Real Lemon)
1 tsp curry
1/2 tsp dill
1 Tblsp olive oil (I used a basil infused oil)

mix all ingrediants well. Now comes the tricky part. Take approx. a golfball size ball and form along the length of the stick, remembering to leave 4-5 in. on either end so that there is a couple of places to prop the Shish above the grill. Roast the Kebabs until the meat is to your desired doneness, turning frequently to avoid burning. Or, if you don't have a grill, place the shish on a wire rack placed inside a jellyroll pan (to catch any juices) and bake for 30-45 min. After Kebabs are done, slide them off the Shish onto a large serving plate with warm pita bread and garlic yogurt dipping sauce.

Garlicky Yogurt Sauce
Ingredients:
•16 ounces (2 cups) of thick Greek yogurt

•4 to 10 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
•1/2 cup of diced or grated cucumber (Kirby or "English")
•1 tablespoon of olive oil
•2 teaspoons of lemon juice

Preparation:
Prepare all ingredients in advance. Combine oil and lemon juice in a medium mixing bowl. Fold the yogurt in slowly, making sure it mixes completely with the oil. Add the garlic, according to taste, and the cucumber. Stir until evenly distributed. Garnish with a bit of green and serve well chilled.

Leftovers Remixed

So, before we are stuffed to the gills with Thanksgiving delights as well as having an overflowing refrigerator, I thought I would share a few recipes to try to make a dent in all the leftover food. I will start with a great recipe that uses leftover mashed potatoes. I just used it tonight and it was awesome. My kids loved it and I think it would be easy to add other flavors, for those of us that are adventurous and like to make a recipe your own.

Crisp Mashed Tator Cakes

1/2 C. chopped green onions
2 C. mashed potatoes, chilled
2 Tbsp sharp cheddar cheese (I also added fresh grated parmesan)
1/8 tsp salt (I used garlic salt for xtra flavor)
1/8 tsp fresh ground black pepper
1 center cut bacon slice cooked and crumbled (was out of bacon, but had real bacon bits in the fridge. I used a Tblsp of this)
3/4 C. panko bread crumbs (again, didn't have this so I crushed up ceasar flavored croutons)

• Preheat oven to 425
• heat large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add onions, and cook for 2 min. or until tender. Remove from heat.
• Place mashed potatoes in medium bowl. Stir in remaining ingredients except for the bread crumbs. Divide potato mixture into 6-8 equal patties. Place panko into shallow dish and dredge potato cakes until coated on all sides.
• Place patties on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Bake at 425 for 12 min or until golden brown. Let sit for 2 min (to set) and serve immediatly.

I have also bypassed cooking the onions and just thrown everything together. Then, in a skillet on medium heat, add approx. 2 Tbsp olive oil and then fry the cakes until a golden brown. Excellent!